Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Straight Driving :)

“Take care and drive straight” my manager warned me. He’s a cool chap. Smart as well. Wonder how he made that mistake! Who drives straight in Hyderabad??! And I’m sure the one who does, must be getting thrashed at office everyday – for being late! (Not like my name is not in the black list of late comers :P but well...On this blog (which is MY page = MY territory) I can take the liberty of not letting any of you know that :P ) So just as every blog post is inspired by a thought, a situation or a feeling, my post too, is inspired by this strange combination of “straight driving” and “Hyderabad”! :)

“What the %^&* do you think of yourself? Gaadi chalani nahi aati kya??” my head (and half of my trunk) were outside the window. I was ranting at a motorcyclist who had just overtaken me from the left. I wish I knew then, why his only reaction was a mocking smile. I had learnt my driving in Bombay and had enjoyed the disciplined traffic for over two years. Moving to Hyderabad never sounded like fun. And I was most convinced of the no-fun situation when it came to driving. My initial thoughts: People in Bombay drive so that they can reach their desired location on time, and in the right mood. People in Hyderabad drive. It looked to me as if there was no desire to reach any destination. Forget being on time. Hyderabadis are known for their Nawabi – laid back nature. If a Hyderabadi tells you he visited the Taj Mahal just “parson”, you have to understand that he must have visited it while on some school trip to Agra. And don’t ever; which means DON’T EVER, trust a Hyderabadi to finish work on his promised date. If he says “ek ghante mein khatam karke de detu” he basically means he will be back next week, with OR without the work completely done! Hmmm....So coming back to the driving sense of people here... let me try and classify some drivers here:

The Bully: He owns the road. Well at least that’s what he thinks. When he starts the engine, instead of the vroom vroom, it says “I have arrived. Give way". He is the king. All others seem to be tiny ants that he can easily trample over. And as is obvious, the ants give way to the king.

The Egoist: He is different from the bully. He doesn’t even SEE the ants. He travels only in the main lane. He is more committed to the main lane than he is to his wife! He never lets anyone (other than the bully) overtake him.

The Pain in the Ass: He loves honking! Oh, it’s his hobby! He can easily be found behind the egoist. He keeps honking, and the egoist never gives way. HE is the reason for all the noise pollution.

The Spiderman: He jumps from one lane to the other (obviously without indicating- Spiderman never uses indicators, remember?!) He also jumps signals and never gets caught by the cops (Spiderman never gets trapped!) This is the guy who reaches his destination in least time. (Lucky Kid: He must be enjoying ALL his leaves: For us, they cut leave allowance if you are late. Crap!)

The over-possessive: (My kind) He loves his car just a little more than he loves himself, or anything else in the world. He NEVER shares the wheel. If you want to see the most disastrous effect of anger on human beings, you should try scratching his car. But make sure you don’t give it a big scar; else YOU will land up having one!

The RTC Bus: Yes! It deserves a category of its own. It is the bully’s bully. It is the most over-shadowing. No one messes with the RTC bus!

The kind-hearted: In spite of driving each and every day, and encountering the egoist, the bully and the pain in the ass on a regular basis, this guy STILL believes in goodness. He gives way to Spiderman. He never hates the bully. He doesn’t really give pain in the ass a chance to be the pain in the ass.

And last but not the least,

The Ant: The ant is the one who bears the ego, the bullying and the pain in the ass. However, it is different from the kind hearted. It doesn’t WANT to be an ant. It dreams of being the one it hates the most – the bully.



“Hello! Dudette! Don’t you know overtaking from the left is not allowed? Huh! Villagers” I hear someone screaming at me. So I turn to see. His head (and most of his trunk) are outside the window. He looks new to Hyderabad. So all I do is smile :)


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  2. LOL! Tooooo good! Love the way you have categorized drivers. I wish someone publishes this in a magazine. So that the bullies and egoists can silently realize what they are :p

    I think I qualify for the over possessive people too! :p I can be kinda kind hearted at most times too!
    however!!! At this point, I don't mind a new car :p So, it's okay if this car gets totalled! Keep it the way it is, or not at all (So i get something new :D)
    Again, I too have issues with scars and dents and all that nonsense that spoils the beauty of my gaddi. Either get rid of the car or keep it good! A dent is like having a chronic condition. (A person with a burnt face still lives - just doesn't quite enjoy looking at himself) So - U can still drive the car.. Just not happy with the way it looks. Plus not fixing a dent here is the smartest thing to do (because it's so %^&%* expensive!)

    To end my foolishly long comment: Please mention about passengers in your future posts somewhere too (Specially the NRI's like me, who have lived in India for 16 years but still gets freaked out sitting next to drivers in Bombay - but drive like a tiger in US (just because no one really messes with you verbelly. Honking is the worse thing one does when someone tries to cut you. Woh bhi honk 2-3 times. You can't even honk more - U might get a ticket on 'Creating Nuisance while driving'. That's how it is atleast in most parts of US. New York does not qualify for it. New York is like bombay, or sometimes worse. I choose to walk there LOL.

    Ok I stop. Sorry for BSing. I loved it in short! :p

  3. I LOVE this post!! it is hilarious! :) i completely agree with all the categories!! but i love that i belong to the RTC bus :p i dont like messing with that dude :p rather safe in the bus than pissed or dead :p
    Lovely post!! keep them coming!
    P.s You have a very distinctive style thats intriguing! :) makes you wanna keep reading :)

  4. @ Vijal! : hmmm... Wishing you a new car! :) i love the stuff u wrote about the scarred face etc. :) I'll write about passengers sometime :) :) thanks for liking it ! :)

    @ Nidhi: Wow! that's a sign of being not just a good writer but also a good reader. A lot of people have disliked my writing for its frank nature. I think people like things being more subtle. But well.. :) Thanks again sweetheart :D :D

  5. Great imagination keep up the good work...liked it very much!!!

  6. Hahahaha...quite comprehensive a coverage Sannidhi...This reminds me of my earliest days with Hyderabad traffic...Believe it or not...I used to park my bike aside and used to wait for the traffick to get diluted....It took some 10 days for me to understand how to deal with that...and thereafter...I have been like Luftansa...Everytime...On Time....Good post....

  7. good job!:)why dont u post those poems u wrote in school too?
    That one...my soul searching for me and The Genuine Jockey one!

  8. I love it more every time i read it...just downright hilarious!!